


Memory Duet

by Alias (anafabula)



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Banned Together Bingo 2020, Canon-Compliant for now but not for long, Canon-Typical Consent Issues, Canon-Typical Elias, Corruption, M/M, Monster Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Post-Change, Post-Episode: e189 Peers (The Magnus Archives), Potentially Suggestive Themes, Power Dynamics, Season 5 setting, Statement Hunger (The Magnus Archives), Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, beholding powers, but in a soft way, cuddling(?), it's not like Jon doesn't come pre-corrupted at this point really., ship-typical tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28441857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anafabula/pseuds/Alias
Summary: Jon's having a problem he had thought was behind him. Elias helps, for certain values of helping, because he wants to.
Relationships: Elias Bouchard | Jonah Magnus/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Elias Bouchard/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26
Collections: Banned Together Bingo 2020





	Memory Duet

**Author's Note:**

> I had grand plans of writing flashfic for combined whumptober-BTB fills and then I extremely didn't but this was for _"withdrawal"_ , originally.
> 
> Fills "`I'll know it when I see it`" as a free space, because how could I _not_ , honestly.

"I don't _understand_ ," Jon says; it comes out like it pains him. Because it does pain him, and all the more so for his circular resistance to the fact, rationalizing to himself that all ill feeling in him beyond physical malaise is empathy for others; as if the Archive could love another in the same way it hates a true unknown. "This feels -- I, I thought I'd left this behind when, when I…"

Elias reaches out before answering, palm coming to rest on Jon's jaw before sliding it further up until he's cradling the back of Jon's head. And Jon's well past the point of denial as regards contact, at least, whimpering slightly with the novel stimulus as he leans in. The self-loathing for such an _intimate_ display of weakness is almost palpable, but that just mixes with his other pains to further sap his ability to do anything about it. It's quite lovely, in fact, with each way Jon sees himself as acting against his own nature leaving him less able to resist; if this were all Jon had left to him any more Elias is more than self-aware enough to realize he'd actually get bored, but it's just another transitory state that Jon's opted to pass through in the most difficult and drawn-out way possible, which is perfectly easy to enjoy for what it is at this point. Let him take the long way around to reorientating himself, and for now he can stay halfway in Elias's lap with no idea of what else to do with his inexplicably (to him) aching body. "You'll never know hunger again," Elias says, "but the new world doesn't really _satisfy_ you alone, does it? Not having seen a representative sample of it so closely."

Jon nods, and Elias scratches very lightly at his scalp as a little reward. At that Jon's eyes flutter nearly shut, just for a moment, before snapping wide as usual, dark and too distant to manage sharpness or resentment. He tries, though. He still tries.

"I don't know how you manage to forget desire like this," Elias says patiently -- they've gotten to this concession quickly enough -- though there's too little distance between amusement and condescension to make that worth any _real_ effort. "You want more, that's all, and you're managing to hurt yourself remarkably by denying it all."

It's not actually doable for Jon to counter that. Dissociation's the closest he's ever come to managing this sort of thing. " _Why_ , though?" he asks instead, the compulsion beyond effortless, threaded gracefully through every breath just as soon as he doesn't stop himself. "How isn't this enough? I, it's -- it's so…" He squeezes his eyes shut, briefly, the motion obviously unnatural. "Why isn't this enough for me?"

Elias leans in and even hazards kissing the corner of Jon's mouth, very quickly, before he says, voice just as soft, " _The Ceaseless Watcher of all that is and all that was_ ," hardly needs distance to see Jon's face as he flinches just slightly with recognition, and then again with the uncomfortable sense he's being praised. "Except there's something missing for you."

Now he does pull away, expectant, as Jon breathes in sharply with the realization that he didn't even try -- at last, at last -- not to understand. "I can't ignore what I don't -- what I don't _Know_ ," Jon sounds out. A little bitter, a little resigned; a little bit trying not to be relieved and failing. "Because it's -- it's not just that I can't Know things from before the -- from before. It's _you._ " He manages to spit that last a little; he manages not to spell out the full conclusion, _that I've been denying myself you._

The impulse to say 'You want me' is unhelpful in the extreme and it's petty, but Elias insinuates one leg in such a way as to hook his heel behind Jon's knee, properly, folding them closer together in a way that shouldn't have been comfortable or easy. "Do what you want," he says; and trusts, and smiles accordingly.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd been putting off sprucing this up for publication (I draft in longhand) for honestly much too long but I think a lot of us could use some soft today.
> 
> (Periodic "I like comments and they help me remember it's worth chewing through that finished/semi-finished fic backlog, hint hint :D" end note goes here.)


End file.
